An Empty Kiss!

It’s 9:00 pm! Zafirah has just returned from work. Dinner is not ready yet. She decides to surf internet as her mother prepares dinner. She logins to her facebook account. She checks her mails. As she scrolls downs on her wall on facebook, she sees a link “First Kiss”. She opens the link. There’s a picture of a girl and a boy, drowned in the moment of kissing with a sun in backdrop. There’s a long text with that picture. Writer has poured every feeling of the moment. She didn’t read the text. She first closes the link and then the browser. She gets disturbed after seeing it. She is pondering over something. Zafirah! Zafirah! Her mother calls her twice. She is so much lost in her own world that she didn’t hear her name. Mother came angrily to her room. Zafirah! I have called you so many times why don’t you reply? Where are you lost? Come for dinner. It’s getting cold. She doesn’t say anything and starts walking behind her mother.

She is quite on dinner table. Her mother is calm now. What happened? Why are you quite? Her mother asks her. Nothing! I’m feeling very tired today, says Zafirah. They quietly finish their dinner and walk to their respective rooms for night’s sleep. The clock ticks 12 in midnight. Tired Zafirah is unable to sleep. There are only two words in her mind – “First Kiss”.

Courtesy @ Google

Courtesy @ Google

When Zafirah learned about love, the touch, the kiss, she imagined her first kiss in her mind. Zafirah and the boy are holding each other. Rising sun in the backdrop! The moment just before the dawn breaks. The hour of silence! The orange and deep blue color of horizon brings them close. They start kissing with the first ray of light. And end when sun is up. The light has taken the place of darkness. She always thought that she is crazy to imagine her first kiss to be like this. But she is like this. She believes not only in love but the purity of thoughts and selflessness that comes with it. She enjoys watching rising sun along with the chirping of birds. And this is the reason why she imagined her first kiss with break of dawn and not with the retiring sun.

It is few months back. She had gone out with Kabir for some work. It was a three days trip. On the second night, Zafirah went to Kabir’s room and asks him to accompany her to visit a nearby fort for sunrise. Kabir knows her craziness for watching sun and stars. He agrees to it and they decide to meet at 4:00 in the morning.

Next day, both are ready by 4 to walk to a nearby fort and see the rising sun. It is still very dark, says Zafirah. So shall we go back? Kabir giggled. Very funny, says Zafirah. And both started giggling. Zafirah is very strong but deep inside her sits a little fear. Only her close one knows about this little fear of hers. Actually, only Kabir knows about it. No one has ever been so close to her as Kabir. Anyways! They held each other’s hand and walked towards fort. Crossing the narrow alleys and climbing the steep slopes of the town, huffed and puffed they reached the outskirts of fort. You seem to be tired. Let’s take a break for five minutes and sit here, said Kabir. Zafirah was breathing fast. Not saying anything she just sat with Kabir. A guard who was nearby told them that fort will open at 9:00 in morning. What? They both screamed and looked each other. And giggled again! The silence of the hour was broken with their laughter. Zafirah has always loved the small talks with Kabir. Kabir doesn’t speak much. Though Zafirah is not a jabberer but she loves to speak with Kabir. They reached near the parking area of the fort and sat on a wall, just few meters away from a lamp post. There was little light of the lamp on the wall. They could see the city lit up with lights. I’m feeling sleepy, said Kabir. Zafirah offered him to sleep on her shoulder. Kabir preferred to lie down keeping his head on her lap. This was the first time Kabir came so close to her. But she liked it and remained silent. Can I play some music, asked Zafirah? Hmm, said Kabir. With stars moving over their head, Zafirah plays some soft music on her mobile. In the silent hour of the day just before the breaking of dawn, she imagines her first kiss with her boy. Kabir! See, sun is about to rise. Get up, said Zafirah. Not annoying her, he immediately gets up. Rubbing his eyes, he first sees vast horizon and then look at Zafirah’s eyes. There’s so much similarity in the vast horizon and her eyes. Both are full of hope, he thinks. So, sun is about to rise. How do you feel?, asks Kabir. Shhh! (Keeping her finger on his mouth) don’t say anything and try to listen the silence of the hour, says Zafirah. She knows Kabir understands her craziness. Sitting next to her, he held her hand and put her left arm on her neck. The sun rose far away, between the houses. The orange and deep blue color filled the sky. The birds started chirping. The lit up houses now began to be little visible to eyes. Not losing the moment. She turned towards Kabir and kissed him hurriedly. Kabir too supported her and soon they were drowned in the moment of kissing with rising sun at backdrop. Exactly the way she has imagined. They stopped when sun was up and light has taken over the darkness of night. Zafirah smiled but she was shy. Kabir looked at her and said – Let’s go.

Zafirah’s first kiss was exactly how she has imagined – “with her boy, moment full of love”. They decided to stop at a tea stall before heading back to their rooms at hotel. It was my first kiss, said Zafirah. I could feel it, laughed Kabir. She got more conscious about what would be Kabir thinking. Her kiss was right or not. Many questions were popping in her mind from nowhere. This was making her uncomfortable. Kabir sensed it and said – “Relax Zafirah! It was need of the moment”. What? Need of the moment. Just need of the moment. She was shocked on hearing that. Yes, said Kabir. But I thought…Kabir interrupted Zafirah and said – “Hey! I don’t love you. It was just the aura of the place that made us flow in that moment. That’s it. I can’t imagine that you thought I love you. Hahahahhahhahahha” For the first time Kabir’s laughter was disturbing her. Hiding her emotions, she said – “Of course not”. But her heart was broken. Her “first kiss” was ruined. It was not full of love. It was just a need, like lust.

She used to have sleepless nights, imagining about her first kiss. Now she has sleepless nights, thinking about her first real kiss, which was empty. No emotions, no love, and only need. Her “first kiss” was an “empty kiss”.